Looking to introduce a new sex toy in the bedroom? We asked sexologist, writer, and consultant Dr. Jessica O’Reilly for advice on how to bring up the subject with your partner.
Question: I’ve heard that sex toys are common — even for couples, but I’m afraid to bring up the subject to my boyfriend, because I don’t know how he’ll react. Do you have any advice to make it easier?
You’re absolutely right. Many women and men use sex toys and research suggests that those who use them actually report higher levels of sexual satisfaction. And though more women are willing to admit to owning a sex toy, men’s attitudes are also overwhelmingly positive with 70 percent reporting that they don’t find them intimidating.
To start the conversation with your partner, consider these strategies:
- Talk openly about your interests and desires. If you’re comfortable talking about sex, it will help to put your partner at ease. And avoid talking about hot topics right before or right after sex when your hormones and emotions are running high.
- Be positive. Offer lots of reassurance and appreciation for your already hot sex life, so that your interest in sex toys isn’t perceived as a complaint. We are all sensitive about our sex lives and it’s important to let your partner know just how great s/he is.
- Connect the toys to something your partner is already doing. For example, he likely already knows how to touch your hot spots, so build on his skills: “Wow! It felt so good when you touched me there. It’s so sensitive. I’d love to try it with some lube and maybe even vibrations.”
Question: My husband is willing to entertain the idea of playing with toys, but I can tell he feels a bit intimidated by some of the toys we’ve looked at online. What are some good toys for newbies?
If your partner is intimidated by the thought of a toy “replacing him”, begin with toys that are less threatening: a small one that doesn’t look exactly like a penis may be a good introductory toy.
You may also want to choose a toy that you can use together. There are now items on the market designed specifically for use during intercourse. The new We-Vibe 3 ® stimulates the G-Spot, the clitoral head and the penile shaft. It even comes with a remote control, which my clients seem to love!
Have you tried a sex toy with your partner? Tell us in the comments!