The Grown-Ass Woman’s Guide to Great Sex

You are a grown-ass woman, which means maybe you have sex sometimes. And as a grown-ass woman, there are certain things that you can do to ensure that you receive the great sex that you deserve. Luckily, Monica Heisey over at SheDoestheCity.com has put together a guide to help you, as she says, do it like a champion.

Get over it, re: your body
I treat most of my body like a delicate shrub, trimming things into good shape but staying pretty healthily thatched, overall. I’m not embarrassed about it, but for some reason (every message I’ve ever received from birth about femininity?) I used to feel like I had to put on a show of being embarrassed about it for other people. But I don’t, and you don’t. Know how you like your body to be and keep it that way. That’s all. Get to know your boobs and your butt and your stomach and get cool with all of it.

DIY, mofos
Try anything you think you might be into. If you know what you like—re: your body and your fantasies—and can express it, you’re making your sex buddy’s job a lot easier, because they won’t have to guess and you won’t have to make all kinds of weird porn noises to keep up the pretense that the weird jabbing happening to your nethers is fun and cool for both of you. Get it done, sister.

Accept no dummies
I don’t mean it has to be perfect immediately, but you should feel 100 comfortable telling this guy what he’s doing GREAT and what you’d like done differently. If you don’t feel comfortable being honest and vulnerable with your sexual partner, why on earth are you partnering with them sexually? Make a mental note that these guys are on your sexual No-Fly list: dudes who won’t go down on you, dudes who are opposed to period sex, dudes who make you feel bad about your body in any conscious way, dudes who refuse to practice safe sex because “it just doesn’t feel as good,” and dudes who cannot take constructive feedback.

Be open to what they might say/like
You cannot be all, “love me, love my pubes” and then run for the hills when your partner is like, “I’m into pee stuff,” or whatever their thing is. And hoooooly there are a lot of things out there that people are into. You don’t have to love the idea of being peed on, but you might have to be willing to talk about the idea of it while in the shower, or something. Sex isn’t all about you! Now that you’ve found someone who is not a dummy and who makes you feel good, pay it forward…on their bod.

Don’t be an A-hole, get your B-control together
It’s hard to clear your head and love yourself and focus on their wants when you know in the back of your mind could go wrong in a pretty big way. A maternity pants way. Figure out what you need to do to prevent that from happening, and do it.

Golden rule, applies to everything. Apply it today!
Whether you are having a conversation, dancing, doing improv, flirting, conducting business deals or makin’ loooooooove, the only thing you have to remember is this: make it about them. Your job is to make the other person look and feel amazing, and obviously their job is to reciprocate. If they are 100 percent about you, and you are 100 percent about them, everyone is having a 200 percent good time. Sex in its purest form is about being open and vulnerable with another human in a way that you are not with most other people, so, you know, appreciate the time that you’re spending with that person, whether it’s for ten minutes or one night only or years and years and years.

So there you have it! Do you have any tips to add to Monica’s guide?

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