Looking to introduce a new sex toy in the bedroom? We asked sexologist, writer, and consultant Dr. Jessica O’Reilly for advice on how to bring up the subject with your partner.

Question: I’ve heard that sex toys are common — even for couples, but I’m afraid to bring up the subject to my boyfriend, because I don’t know how he’ll react. Do you have any advice to make it easier?

You’re absolutely right. Many women and men use sex toys and research suggests that those who use them actually report higher levels of sexual satisfaction. And though more women are willing to admit to owning a sex toy, men’s attitudes are also overwhelmingly positive with 70 percent reporting that they don’t find them intimidating.

To start the conversation with your partner, consider these strategies:

  1. Talk openly about your interests and desires. If you’re comfortable talking about sex, it will help to put your partner at ease. And avoid talking about hot topics right before or right after sex when your hormones and emotions are running high.
  2. Be positive. Offer lots of reassurance and appreciation for your already hot sex life, so that your interest in sex toys isn’t perceived as a complaint. We are all sensitive about our sex lives and it’s important to let your partner know just how great s/he is.
  3. Connect the toys to something your partner is already doing. For example, he likely already knows how to touch your hot spots, so build on his skills: “Wow! It felt so good when you touched me there. It’s so sensitive. I’d love to try it with some lube and maybe even vibrations.”

Question: My husband is willing to entertain the idea of playing with toys, but I can tell he feels a bit intimidated by some of the toys we’ve looked at online. What are some good toys for newbies?

If your partner is intimidated by the thought of a toy “replacing him”, begin with toys that are less threatening: a small one that doesn’t look exactly like a penis may be a good introductory toy.

You may also want to choose a toy that you can use together. There are now items on the market designed specifically for use during intercourse. The new We-Vibe 3 ® stimulates the G-Spot, the clitoral head and the penile shaft. It even comes with a remote control, which my clients seem to love!

Have you tried a sex toy with your partner? Tell us in the comments!


8 Responses to How to Introduce Sex Toys — for Couples

  1. Mike says:

    This is an interesting article on how to present sex toys to partners. I like the details you have given on how a person can communicate about this to the partner.

  2. Charity Reed says:

    I am really delighted to read this blog posts which consists of tons of valuable data. Although sex toys can add a maximum of pleasure to your relationship, getting your partner involved can be a bit tricky. Thanks , I’ve just been looking for info approximately this topic for ages.

  3. Hannah Raby says:

    This is a very infirmative article. I agree that communication is important. It is key that your partner doesn’t feel like you are trying to replace them. Great information!

  4. Keep on posting such articles resources like the one you mentioned here will be very useful to me!

  5. Raine says:

    Communication is the key! Clarifying your sexual desires would actually build a better relationship. The details given are rather useful. An informative post it is.

  6. Kathy says:

    Starting with a small toy would be nice!

  7. John James says:

    Well, when my wife first introduced me to this type of entertainment, she put a blind on my eyes and said it is going to be a surprise. I had no choice but to try it! And I was hooked! Shame to admit but this might actually be the best way to lure your husband/boyfriend into this type of bedroom spices 🙂

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