What’s that you say? He’s not in the mood?

As surpising as it is, men being unreceptive to sexual advances and intimacy is becoming more and more common.

Although they have the ability to benefit and acheieve orgasm from far less stiulation and effort, more and more men are reported as disinterested in sex.

And there are likely a handful of factors at work. The most prominent cause of this kind of behaviour is fatigue and stress.

Lack of variety. At the beginning of a relationship sex is usually more frequent and excitig but this fequency typically tapers just after the honeymoon phase fades and real-life sets in.

With the addition of work and home responsibilities, receational endearvors and social commitments, there are many other places to put that energy.

There could also be a handful of health reasons why your partners interest is waning. Simple things like being over or under weight can have serious affects on ones self-esteem not to mention a chemical effect on their libido. If you think that it could be a health related issue, encouraging your partern to see a doctor, without mention the affect it’s having on your sex life, is recommended.

Either e

 

 

 

Gradually though, other demands take their toll, particularly work and study, family matters, household chores. In most relationships, over time, sex can be relegated to the last thing before bed, something to do on weekends or on holiday – it can become a routine. Often, one partner feels the other partner expects sex at a particular time and the sex can become one-sided or half-hearted, the spontaneity and romance have disappeared. Worries about whether we’re satisfying our partner, whether our partner is satisfying us, or about work and finances can inhibit our desire for sex. Feeling anxious about your own sexual performance can be a major factor in turning you away from sex. Some partners feel pressured into having sex because they feel the other partner always wants it.

 

Women compare themselves and are compared with the ‘superwoman’ depicted in the media – ever ready to ‘satisfy’ their man, capable of multiple orgasms 24 hours a day, with the ability to be a mother and dynamic professional at the same time. These images are mythical. Because of media stereotyping and some people’s false expectations, a lot of women are genuinely anxious about how they ‘rate’ in bed compared with their partner’s previous partners – the mythical superwoman depicted in the media.

 

This anxiety compounds sexual problems, with each successive sexual encounter becoming more difficult or less desirable than the last. Sexual unresponsiveness can occur when the woman is anxious about sex – it can cause her to have sex less often with her partner or not actively seek sexual partners at all. When a woman is unresponsive to sex her partner will often register their disappointment and this can make the woman even more anxious so that the woman anticipates her own unresponsiveness each time she is about to have sex.

 

hy their men don’t want to do the deed.

1. He’s angry.

2. He’s not well.

3. He’s been traumatized.

4. He’s addicted to porn/drugs.

5. He’s cheating.

 

Yikes. While those reasons may, in fact, be valid on rare occasion, we’ve got a better idea why he doesn’t want to jump our bones: He’s tired. Read more of this ground-breaking theory after the jump.

 

Think about it: Sex for gals isn’t a wham-bam-thank-you-ma’am kinda thing. First, he’s gotta convince us we actually want to have sex. (And let’s be honest — we use the “tired” excuse waaaay more often than dudes.) Then, he’s gotta warm us up. Then there’s foreplay. More foreplay. Even more foreplay. Then finally, sex. It’s a process.

 

Now throw in an awful day at work, a mind-numbing hour-long commute during rush hour, kids (if applicable) and dinner. Perhaps, like us, he’s just exhausted. So instead of spazzing that are men are banging their secretaries just ’cause they don’t want want to get kinky tonight, give him a break. Or a blowjob. Either way, he’ll appreciate it.

Relationship QA: Tell Him I Want More Sex?

Q.

My husband and I have been married for six months. He’s 36, I’m 27. He is an absolutely wonderful man, and when we have sex, it’s great. The key word is when we have sex. This problem hits another one — the lack of communication skills that he has always had. Trying to ask a man “Why no sex drive, buddy?” is a very hard thing to do. Any tips on how I can communicate my needs to him without hurting his feelings?

A.

 

If you want your relationship to feel close and intimate, you have to share your thoughts and concerns. If you want intimacy, you need to create an atmosphere that lends itself to trust and honesty. That means actively participating rather than waiting for something to happen. If you feel safe with each other, it will be much easier for you to discuss something that might hurt your partner’s feelings. If you avoid discussing difficult and potentially hurtful subjects, you drift apart and the emotional bonds between you weaken.

I suggest that you come right out and tell your husband that you’re concerned about the lack of sex. And you’re right — you shouldn’t overtly ask him why his sex drive isn’t, um, up to par. Instead, ask him how he feels about the frequency of your sex life. You mentioned a lack of communication skills, so expressing himself and coming right to the point is probably hard. Give him some space to think about it and suggest that you talk about this again in a few days. These discussions call for getting rid of distractions, including television and phones. Maintain good eye contact and let your tone of voice reassure him that you are not attacking him in any way. Be ready to listen to what he has to say. (Listening means you are not speaking or reacting!) Your husband may have some feedback for you that you may find uncomfortable and hurtful. If you can accept each other’s feelings without getting defensive or having an argument, you are on your way to real intimacy, when identifying solutions to your problems will flow a lot more easily. The key is to focus on intimacy — something that goes far beyond what happens in the bedroom.

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