These days it’s easy to get caught up in the ‘rights’ and ‘wrongs’ of orgasm and pleasure. There is so much advice flying about on the internet that both women and men are often left wondering how the hell they can best please themselves and their partners. Female orgasm in particular is portrayed as a mysterious and personal experience and there are definitely some common orgasm myths that need to be debunked.
Myth #1 Most Women Can Reach Orgasm Through Vaginal Penetration Alone
The truth of the matter is that approximately 70% of women need clitoral stimulation to reach climax. The ‘vaginal orgasm’ is frequently misrepresented in mainstream porn. You may have witnessed it – a heterosexual couple engaging in sex and the woman seems to magically climax solely through vaginal penetration. That’s right ladies and gents – if you’re looking to engage in penetrative sex, it’s super important to always include direct (use a toy or your hand) or indirect (position yourself in a way that stimulates the clitoris) stimulation of the clitoris.
Myth #2 If Your Female Partner Cannot Orgasm, It’s Your Fault
If your partner cannot reach orgasm, it is not your fault. The truth is that women are responsible for their own orgasm. Blaming others for a lack of orgasm, or blaming yourself if your partner doesn’t reach orgasm, is unhealthy and uncalled for. The reality is that if you are unable to reach climax it’s up to you to explore your own body and aim to reach orgasm through masturbation. You can’t expect someone else to know how to pleasure you if you don’t know yourself: communication is key. Tell your partner, or better yet show your partner, how you like to be pleasured.
Myth #3 The Goal Of Sex Is To Have An Orgasm
Often jumping the gun and racing to the finish line completely takes away from the pleasure of the simple things. Kissing, touching and teasing is all part of the big picture and it’s all too often forgotten when couples focus all their energy on orgasm. Women in particular can happily enjoy sex and don’t need to cum to feel satisfied. It’s time to let go of the pressure to orgasm and get back to the basics of the pure bliss of kissing and touching. Intimacy with your partner can be just as powerful as an orgasm – don’t limit yourself by boxing yourself into trying to achieve a preconceived ‘end goal’.
Juliet Allen is a Sexologist, Sexuality Coach + Educator and Writer. With a reputation for her bold and straight-to-the-point manner, Juliet runs educative workshops and events in Australia for young people and adults. Juliet is passionate about empowering women to embrace their true sexual nature and encourages everyone to explore and own their sexuality